It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
