Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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