I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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