8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
