i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize