The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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