i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
