Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize