she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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