Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
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