Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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