the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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