a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
