My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
