3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
