i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Randomize