even my farts smell like vagina
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
