Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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