insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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