i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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