Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
