I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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