I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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