Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
