Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
