Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
