Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
