he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
