No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
