so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
