thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
