omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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