I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize