wake up i wanna do it froggy style
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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