she's into porn, im staying here tonight
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
