apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
