can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
