just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
