hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
