How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
