sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
