the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
