So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
