I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
