yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
