I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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