I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
