Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
