I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
