wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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