he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
