I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
