Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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