I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You are the jesus of drinking
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
