Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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