We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
