dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
