I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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