My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I could make wine with my vomit
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
