We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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