Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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