Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
