i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
