She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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