And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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