Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
