i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize