forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
