I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
