your thong is hanging out like whoa
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
