Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
